Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
