wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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