I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
