Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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