Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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