I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Who died my cat blue again?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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