dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
