im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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