why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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