Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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