She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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