Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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