They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
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