would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
