dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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