I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
