how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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