I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
