If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
