You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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