my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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