Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
