so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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