i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm just crazy horny about you
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
