just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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