Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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