hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Boobs are out for the taking
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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