we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
