Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
