ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
