and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
