He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
