I wish life had little blips of pornography
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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