Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
