How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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