The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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