Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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