Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
we should paint friendship bongs
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
