Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
