if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
