i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
