girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
