i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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