i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
