I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
