Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
