she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
