I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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