i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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