every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
