I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
