why didn't you poke me back
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
